There will be blood……and lots of it.

Don’t worry, I’m not “complelety’ going off topic of my blog.  I’ve just been having a lot of comptuer problems latley, so I haven’t been wanting to do one of my usual long ones.

This movie is about a year old, however never having a TV ad (rightfully so) and being a foreign film, it’s hard for this movie to really be heard off.  I usually use Netflix’s instant watch feature to watch TV shows rather then movies since their selection of instant movies seems to be rather inconsistent in terms of good, bad, or so-so movies.  But I wanted a change this time around.  The Machine Girl or “Kataude Mashin Garu” had a 2.5/5 star rating on Netflix at the time I watched it, but that’s probably a a rating from people who had no idea what this film was trying to be, nor it’s intended audience.  I’m sure the DVD has an English dub, but if you watch this on instant watch, it will be in Japanese with subtitles.  Naturally with a plot like this, I was quite thankful that it wasn’t in English.

The Machine Girl is about Ami Hyuga, (Minase Yashiro) a high school girl who is out to get avenge for her brother’s death, who was killed by some yakuza.  In attempts to kill them, she ends up getting her left arm cut off and ends up with a gatling gun attachable.  That’s it.  If you’re expecting “The Last Samurai,” look elsewhere, although there is swordplay.  (The subtitles refer to both the students as both high school and college students during the movie, possibly an error in the writing, so your guess is as good as mine.  As far as I know Japanese colleges don’t have uniforms, just high-school and below, but the description at www.imdb.com calls her a “college” girl, most likely in attempts to cover up what she really is to prevent any American law controversy, but I’d still go with the latter.)  The “plot” in this movie is obviously not to be taken seriously, and it’s most likely intentional.  There are parts that are downright chessy that come straight out of your average anime episode.  (Even WITH original Japanese dialouge!)  This movie is purposely not directed with intents of providing you with a good story, because it knows you came to it for one thing: a hot Japenese schoolgirl decapitating the bejesus out of dozens of Yakuza badasses.  (And if someone I know is reading, she’d probably be kicking my ass right now.)  In retrospect, I think the title should really of been called “Sexy Time Blood Party.”

When “Scarface” was first released, it was rated X due to it’s excessive use of swearing and violent nature.  Of course movies like that is really common nature today.  If this movie was released then, Scarface would of been a total push over.  When it comes to blood, Hellraiser, Texas Chainsaw Massacure, not even Saw have anything on this.  It makes the gore attempts of American movies look like pure child’s play.  Of course, this is because it goes beyond the standards of such films in the US, and as such is not even rated by the MPAA.  (It actually gives the term” Unrated” an actual meaning as so many DVD’s seem to spew out so loosely.)  I’m surprised this film isn’t banned here, but then again I don’t think excessive amounts of gore nowadays is a big concern for what should be allowed in the states.  The movie is a bloodfest, not a fuckfest.  (And I use the term “fuck” in both it’s audible and physical form.)  Now I have scene some gory effects in American made movies, even scenes similar to this movie, but American movies seem to cheapen the effect by either making the scene very dark, blurry, or turn the camera away the second a really bloody scene has happened.  This movie has balls; it has absolutley no qualms about showing you the gore in all it’s glory, right in your face, and for long periods of time.  No dark lighting tricks or two second camera shots.

The gore in this movie is so outrageously ridiculous that eventually you’ll realize the movie is a parody of itself; some of the effects are so over the top it makes you feel like you’re watching a snuff film…only everybody really is acting.  On the other hand, as bloody as it is, I can’t help but think that a lot of the gore is unrealistic.  I’m no expert, but there are a few scenes where I don’t think a person’s body would of been decapitated that way given the way they were cut or shot in real life.  In an attempt to make the gore so damn real, it seems they failed in ways of presenting it with their special effects, as a lot of them look really bad and obvious.  (Think the original Star Wars films, and this movie was only released in August, 2008, only two months after Japan.)  For one, there’s a lot of times where part of the screen seems to of been faked to make other parts look real.  Shurikens flying across the screen and even actors sometimes move at a…for lack of a better term,  lower framerate than what’s happening in the background.  (I can’t belive I’m using the term frame rate for a MOVIE.)   Still they’re quite good for a low budget movie.

If at all possible, try you’re best not to watch the trailer of this movie, as it reveals mostly all of the really gruesome parts, so it pretty much ruins it.  If you really must see some kind of preview however, here is the first five minutes of the film.  Take note that this intro does not even compare to the rest of the film.

All in all, I think this film was absolutley brilliant as far as what it was trying to be, so many films try to be something and ends up being something else.  I was however a bit disappointed by the whole “Machine” part.  Despite the movie’s title, the machine gun part doesn’t really happen until late in the movie, so if you’re going into this movie thinking Ami will be shooting people up for the majority of the movie, think again.  Be rest assured though, there is a lot of fighting, just not all of it with her gun.  I think it’s safe to say if you have any kind of deceny, for God’s sake DO NOT show this movie to kids (despite Ami actually being somewhat of a kid, OH NO CONTROVERSY!) and I wouldn’t exactly call this movie the best thing to cuddle up to someone with either.  (Unless that person is in this movie, and if she is, I so so hate you.)  The film’s villainous characters are so damn twisted it almost makes you want to see them die in the most gruesome way possible, and you’ll be screaming taunting obscenities when certain characters meet their end.  Be full warned, even if you can stand large amounts of gore, the enormous amounts of physical pain that such a young girl like Ami goes through can be a bit traumatizing to watch.  This movie is not for the faint of heart, because the only hearts this film will ever have, is dozens of them spalttered all over the walls and floors.

“Let the bodies hit the floor…let the bodies hit the floor…let the bodies hit the floor…let the bodies hit the *drum roll*”